July: Treading Water [Fukubukuro 2010]
January 8th, 2011 by Dan

I have lived in twelve different “homes”. They range from dorm rooms to full-on apartments, row houses, and houses, but each represented a change in my lifestyle and a milestone reached in my personal development. The way I see it, moving around so much can cause two equally strong reactions in a person. If you’re like my older brother, it makes you want to stay put for as long as humanly possible. Meanwhile my younger brother finds himself seeking to never put down roots and wander the world as long as he can.

Sure, some of that comes from where they are in life. Older brother happens to be married and is looking to start a family. Stability is the key phrase here while transition seems to be the focus of younger, who is about to graduate from university and embark on his professional career path.

Is it expected of middle children to see themselves as somewhere in between the siblings that sandwich them? I look to the left and I see too much order, but the rampant chaos on the right scares me just as much. I’m adrift between these conflicting desires to find myself a sweet girl and settle down and trying to ensure that I don’t lose the freedom to live my life in my own, selfish way.

Amidst these internal struggles, I find myself surrounded by friends getting married and even some getting divorced. It’s like life is telling me that I’m falling behind, but telling me not to rush so fast that I lose sight of the road. Faced with stagnation, I tried to fix it the only way I knew how. I decided that my current living situation needed a change and I moved in with a new roommate to a new city and a new environment.

There’s a lot of beauty inherent in weddings, but the most personally symbolic part of the proceedings has got to be the departure of the bride and groom from the wedding ceremony. Weddings come in tons of flavors, but the most constant expectation is that the bride and groom will leave the chapel, people will cheer them on, and they will get into a decorated “Just Married” car to drive away. Most everyone heads to the reception after this, but the image is clear. Bride and groom are now embarking on a journey together. They are moving along, making progress, and heading toward their eventual final destination.

It leaves me feeling like I’m treading water, so I want to move. I want to take myself, find a new location, and dream up all the possibilities available to me there. I want to be someone new when I get there. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes things change. Mostly they stay the same.

The Happy Couple

5 Responses  
  • David writes:
    January 8th, 20110:51at

    Come to Iowa with me.

    • Dan writes:
      January 8th, 201113:59at

      Yeah, no. Too cold

  • Kendra writes:
    January 8th, 201122:58at

    Finding someone to be with and retaining the freedom to live your own life don’t have to be conflicting interests.

    • Dan writes:
      January 9th, 20114:21at

      You clearly don’t know my ex, haha, but I wholeheartedly agree with you. It absolutely shouldn’t. Do people let it? Sometimes.

  • I Bring Nothing to the Table » Blog Archive » October: Uncle [Fukubukuro 2011] writes:
    February 1st, 20120:02at

    […] year I know I freaked out a bit about stagnating, but I ultimately think I wasn’t ready to mature or be older. I mean, I can’t say that I’m […]

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