Super Ichiban Travel Blog Part XV: Someone’s Got To Be The Worst [II]

How awesome would it be to see this guy outside your window during a flight?
How awesome would it be to see this guy outside your window during a flight?

After a fun few days in Sapporo, it was finally time to head back to Tokyo. We were officially on the home stretch of the trip with only three teams left to see. I was starting to see the end of the trip in my sights and, I’ve got to admit, it was depressing to think that all the fun would be done so soon, but I was also ready to get back home to my own apartment.

The first thing I did that morning when packing was promptly break one of the sake glasses I got as a souvenir. Damn.

Since I had discovered that the walk from Sapporo Station to the hotel was pathetically short, I opted out of a taxi and walked to the station. Along the way I ran into the most evil-looking bird I’d ever seen. I’m sure it could sense how afraid of its evil I was, because it allowed me to get really close with my camera without even budging.

Hes tough to intimidate. Must be from the 9th Ward.
He's tough to intimidate. Must be from the 9th Ward.

The rest of the walk was uneventful as was the trip to the airport. Once I got into the airport, the language barrier became an issue as I had gone up to baggage claim without first checking in and getting a ticket. It’s a bizarre process, but it’s required, so I was sent to the check-in queue and then back to the luggage queue.

I also learned that Sapporo’s airport is way more vigilant than Kansai International. Security pulled me aside to empty out my very full carry on bag. I was confused until the security officer managed to get out the phrase “dining set” and I remembered that I had stuffed some ANA utensils (a knife and spoon) into my bag. He also checked that the water bottle I was carrying on board was sealed and water. What this amounts to is that the staff at Kansai allowed me to travel with a dinner knife and a bottle of water without investigating. That’s some crack security work there guys. Reminds me of Seinfeld’s bit about airport security in the pre-terrorist attack days.

While I hunted for food in the morning, I noticed a model of the Pokemon-themed ANA planes that were in service out here in Japan.

The cutest way to get from A to B.
The cutest way to get from A to B.

I’d heard about this line of ANA planes before, but I’d never seen one in the flesh, much less been on one. tim rogers made references to them being used mostly for domestic flights and, lo and behold, here was a model of one for domestic flights. Boy, wouldn’t it be cool if I got to fly on one of these…

I totally got to fly on one of these.
I totally got to fly on one of these.

So, what’s the difference between a Pokemon ANA plane and a normal ANA plane? Not a whole lot. The seat covers that are used in every ANA plane are now Pokemon themed…

Cuteness overload.
Cuteness overload.

…And the drinks come in Pokemon-themed cups.

Orange Juice! I choose you!
Orange Juice! I choose you!

The flight attendants were all dressed in their normal uniforms and there wasn’t any special Pokemon entertainment on board, so it’s really just an aesthetic thing (and a half-assed one at that). Still, I flew on one of the famous Pokemon planes and I think that’s pretty neat.

I just noticed that the jet turbines have pokeballs on them. Thats awesome.
I just noticed that the jet turbines have pokeballs on them. That's awesome.

Nintendo’s missing out on a huge opportunity here. Could you imagine how much business they could drum up if they offered exclusive Pokemon downloads on these planes? They’d make ANA a racket and have to officially sell their souls, but still…think about it.

We took a taxi to our favorite place to stay, the Tokyo Garden Palace Hotel, and, after putting my stuff down, I rendezvoused with Susan to catch a pre-game dinner before she left for America. Susan and I stopped in a Chinese restaurant and had a nice dinner as we shared our stories about what we’d been doing since the tour split up. I had to run to the game after that, since I was running late, but it was totally worth it and I’ll have to be sure to see Susan and Marc the next time I’m in NYC.

I see what youre doing here Tokyo, but you dont need the New. Youre not New Tokyo...
I see what you're doing here Tokyo, but you don't need the "New." You're not New Tokyo…

By the time I managed to make my way through the Tokyo railway system and get to Yokohama Stadium, it was already the third inning and Yokohama had struck first. The Swallows were down by two, which made me very happy, and the BayStars could very well shut down the Swallows for the entire trip for me (I don’t count the tie as a win, so the Swallows were 0-2-1 in games I’d attended). Things were looking up, even though I was late!

An outside scoreboard had me jumping for joy as I entered the ballpark. Surely this last place team couldnt botch a small lead...
An outside scoreboard had me jumping for joy as I entered the ballpark. Surely this last place team couldn't botch a small lead…

The outside of Yokohama Stadium is pretty plain and it’s nestled within a city block, like most of the stadiums in Tokyo. Perhaps it’s because I was late to the game, but it was also pretty empty outside the ballpark, a major contrast with most other stadiums that feature food stalls and merchandise outside the gates. The interior hallways were pretty bare and empty, kind of like the ones at Meiji Jingu, where the Swallows play.

I spotted the BayStars mascot taking pictures with kids in the hallways.
I spotted the BayStars mascot taking pictures with kids in the hallways.

Since I was already late, I decided that I would look around for a jersey before I took a seat. It was proving to be pretty difficult, since the stands all seemed to only offer a polo shirt-type thing that wasn’t the full button down. What kind of bush league stadium doesn’t sell their team’s official jerseys? I thought to myself as I wandered around the various stalls. Then I noticed something in one of the publicity photographs/posters on the wall and the full horror of the situation began to become clear: those abominations were the jerseys.

Now, there will be a post about the jerseys coming soon, but I won’t be giving much away to say that this one was the worst of the pack. I almost considered not buying it.

The interior is probably as nice as your typical AAA American stadium. For some reason, all of the seats within the stadium are orange or blue, but the uniforms are blue and white and all of the seats are that molded, rough, hard plastic that you might expect to see in an outdoor setting, but haven’t seen in a baseball stadium in ages.

The seats were pretty uncomfortable. The row we sat in even moreso.
The seats were pretty uncomfortable. The row we sat in even moreso.

Worse still, the row we sat in was right at the front of the second bank of seats. Instead of having a bar or something to separate us from the walkway, we had nothing. If I stretched my legs at the wrong time, I was liable to kick a poor beer girl right in the face. Standing up to cheer for big plays was almost impossible thanks to the diminished leg room and lack of forward stability. The endless torrent of beer girls and fans made it almost impossible to see the plate or concentrate on the field. On the plus side, our increased visibility got us on the jumbotron (Did I remember to mention that I was on the jumbotron at Koshien too? I’m pretty sure I forgot).

Thats right, I was on that very screen, but not at the moment of this photograph.
That's right, I was on that very screen, but not at the moment of this photograph.

If I had to go and give the BayStars just one compliment, I’d say that their cheerleading squad stands out as the most attractive of the bunch I’d seen and the only one that had similar cheering maneuvers to American squads. Then again, I drank more beer this game than any other because the stadium, game, and team were so atrocious, so take my opinions with a grain of salt.

Bieru Goggorus?
Bieru Goggorus?

They also had this weird black bear with “TBS” written across a t-shirt he was wearing. I have no idea what he was there for, but I like him a lot more than their usual mascots. He’s the one who should be going on the road.

My assessment seems to be right about some of these cheerleaders...I mean, what a strange bear thing, huh?
My assessment seems to be right about some of these cheerleaders…I mean, what a strange bear thing, huh?

There was a ballgame that night too, wasn’t there? The BayStars put two up, and then checked out for the rest of the game. Not able to let me be happy with their failure, the Swallows went and scored six, which, for those of you keeping score, means they won. Since the Tigers were knocked out of the Climax Series by the Swallows by one game, I’m going to blame Yokohama for screwing this up for them. Way to go, chuckleheads.

He probably struck out...man this team sucks.
He probably struck out…man this team sucks.

Really, how much this team sucks makes a lot of sense when you stop to think about it. Starting with the name, the BayStars, you start to get the feeling that they have no idea what a good team name might be. It turns out that the former name for the team was the Yokohama Whales, but whaling restrictions and a believed curse put upon the team by dead whales (their parent company makes a lot of money from whale products) caused them to change the name…to the BayStars. It’s bad enough that the team name makes no sense, but then they go and make their mascot a couple of human bodies with star-shaped heads. It’s dumb.

They really are the dumbest mascots Ive ever seen.
They really are the dumbest mascots I've ever seen.

Feeling dejected by the loss, I headed home to sleep and re-energize after the early morning I had in Sapporo. As I drifted off to sleep, only one thought crossed my mind: What in the world was that black bear?

You cant go wrong with dreams about strange bears and cheerleaders. Too bad the Stars were there too.
You can't go wrong with dreams about strange bears and cheerleaders. Too bad the Stars were there too.

ONE SECOND! Totally forgot about this awesome Engrish:

It makes sense as a sentence in English, but it mostly doesnt.
It makes sense as a sentence in English, but it mostly doesn't.

Comments

4 responses to “Super Ichiban Travel Blog Part XV: Someone’s Got To Be The Worst [II]”

  1. Eric Mesa Avatar

    Best quote of the post “Orange Juice I choose you!”

    1. Dan Avatar

      Haha, thanks, I’m glad you liked it.

  2. leon Avatar
    leon

    I got a baystars hat – out west we have a fast food joint called Carl’s Junior — the logo is the same – when I got back to Arizona — I went to Carl’s Junior and ordered something to eat — they thought that I was from corporate so they did not want to charge me for the food…

    1. Dan Avatar

      I remember Carl’s Jr. from the two years I lived in Oregon. Good stuff (for fast food)

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